Aloha President Obama,
They call you the ocean president. I’m sure you know why.
You sextupled the size of the Pacific Remote Islands Marine National Monument. That was back in 2014 and it was triple the size of California. Then, last year, you quadrupled Papahānaumokuākea Marine National Monument to twice the size of Texas. You protected many animals, including a newly discovered fish, Tosanoides Obama. You kept drilling at bay from our Alaskan waters, Arctic waters, and our beloved Atlantic waters. The ocean president reined.
And now your tide is dipping. There must have been, in our planet’s natural history, a first ripple in our oceans. A first current. A first wave. There were presidents before you, of course, but you felt new. A second-wave presidency for a second-wave citizenry. Thank you for forever turning the tide.
We’ve never met. But I’d like to. If you want, I’d love to take you and your family out for a surf and follow it up with $1 tacos at King Neptune’s on Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina. Don’t worry; the menu is healthy enough for Michelle to approve. You can call me Billy. But I promise I won’t call you Barry.